Tempting fate

About a year ago, I don’t know for what reason, I said to my then fiancé now husband, “I would rather die happy then to give up my food.” I am a closet foodie, who loves to explore new food places and always to splurge on amazing meals. We have driven an hour for a hotdog, because, well you just have to try it! But today I have to eat my words, and not too much more than that.

Today I was told what I knew was coming, no more gluten, and no more sugar. There was no, “last meal,” it was just, “if you want to get better then you have to do this, right now.” Literally sitting there saying yes and feeling that this really was an investment I was ready for, after all anything to help me feel better, I tried to convince myself as I walked out of the office trying to get my way home. As I step out of the cab near Penn Station I see lots of food carts. Perfect! I’m starving. So I get in line for a hot dog, after all, there is nothing better than a dirty water dog in NYC! Until I realize, bread! A bun is made of bread, and have to walk away hungry and depressed.

As I make it back to Newark for my next train I see a little place with lots of healthy options. I walk in and everything is gluten! Bagels, wraps, sandwiches and if it’s not filled with gluten it’s a bag of chips or fried, so I walk in a hungry defeat to take a seat. There I sat hungry, confused and surrounded by people eating their gluten and sugar filled lunches. It then occurred to me how I said I rather die than be limited by food and why that statement is actually reversed in American society.

We are a food obsessed society, even more, how can I get a quick meal? We assume things are healthy until we actually take the time to read the wrapper. We assume because we don’t have a rash or our throats don’t close, that what we ate we aren’t allergic too. We also assume that the FDA cares about us, the people who it is supposed to protect, more than big business. Even if you read the wrappers here, they still are leaving things out and when they actually put it on the wrapper, like what the heck is “natural flavoring,” seriously?!

Right now I am beyond upset about my limitations with food. I asked, “when I feel better can I have it back,” and he sadly shook his head no. I asked my husband if he thought I could do it, go a life without cupcakes and crescent rolls and he said, “if anyone could it’s you.” Sure maybe in a few months I will splurge, eat a cookie, but let me tell you if I’m going to break my role and eat a cookie, it better be damn good, because I’m not wasting it on Chips Ahoy or a store bought cupcake.